Use the following headings in doing communication journals:
My daughter had a friend over last night for dinner. They sat
at the
table on a bench seat. As they waited for dinner to be ready they joked
around, pushing each other. Finally in exasperation I told my
daughter
to stop kidding around and come help do the finishing touches for
dinner. My daughter ignored me. I walked over to my daughter,
leaned
toward her and looked her squarely in the eyes.
"Heather, I need your help to get dinner done so we can eat."
She didn't say anything. She just sat there and stared at me.
"I'm getting angry because your mother and I have been in the kitchen
for an hour and even when we asked for someone to set the table you
wouldn't come."
She just stared at me.
I raised my voice: "Are you listening to me?"
"You don't have to shout. All you have to say is please," she
responded. "What do you want me to do?"
"Please finish setting the table and then tear lettuce, cut up tomatoes,
and celery for a salad."
Although reluctantly, she got up from the bench and helped.
I used non-verbal communication. I walked over to her when I couldn't
get her attention. I leaned forward and looked into her eyes.
I used an "I-message" to express how I was feeling. "I'm getting
angry
because your mother and I have been in the kitchen for an hour and
even
when we asked for someone to set the table you wouldn't come."
I used voice inflection, by raising my voice, when I couldn't get her
attention. "Are you listening to me?"
I was specific in my request to have her "set the table and then tear
lettuce, cut up tomatoes, and celery for a salad." I used "please"
as
she requested.
Overall, the communication was fairly successful. Although I was
starting to get upset, I tried to use an "I-message" instead of being
judgmental or accusatory. I raised my voice, which was probably
not a
good idea, although I'm not sure how I could have got her attention
otherwise. At first I was fairly general in my request for her
to help
me, but then finally I was more specific. She understood my feelings
and eventually helped as she was asked. I used good non-verbal
communication by walking over to her and looking directly in her eyes.
I should have been more specific in the first place. I probably
should
have asked for her help long before she came to the table. Maybe
I
should have made it clear to her before she had a friend over that
she
would need to help with dinner. When I first spoke to her, I should
have
made a specific request and said please. I could have gone over
to her
at that time and used non-verbal cues to get her attention -- leaning
forward, looking in her eyes, and touching her arm.
If I had been more direct earlier, I may not have gotten angry.
I
should not have raised my voice. This should have been avoided.
Even
if I needed to talk to her further, to persuade her to help.